What I’m Struggling With As An Artist

I often worry that my blog posts sound a little too ‘rainbows and sunshine.’ I’m a positive person and I love what I do. That doesn’t mean I don’t have struggles as a full-time artist. Maybe I don’t talk about these struggles enough, so I thought I’d be an open book today and share what it’s really like to be me - doing what I do every day.

In a world that glorifies the self-employed artist who seems to have it all figured out, honesty is important. Don’t believe what you see on Instagram. No one’s life is perfect, and no career promises uninterrupted happiness. I’d hate to think I’ve been contributing to this misconception in any way. I’m simply passionate about my art, and I sometimes forget to talk about the negatives on my blog. And there are plenty of those, trust me.

This would be a great article to read if you’re thinking about becoming a full-time artist. If you’re already a full-time artist, hopefully you find peace in knowing someone else struggles with the same things you do.

The Motivation

As a full-time freelance artist, I make my own schedule. I work from home in an upstairs bedroom of our house. My day is my oyster. Sound like a dream? Some days, yes. Many days, I’m my own worst enemy. I’m working on an island, with no one to hold me accountable for how I spend my time. No one really cares. I don’t get coworker praise or mentions in company meetings. If I watched soap operas all day, no one would bat an eye. I wake up every morning with twenty things I want to accomplish, and zero plans for how to get them done. Without anyone telling me what I need to do, it can be hard to take action or set goals. Every day, I feel like I’m doing the bare minimum.

Long term goals? Forget about it. Big projects plague me for years before I ever get around to doing them. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the day-to-day, and so difficult to focus on the important work that will really make a difference. Things like making a course, writing and illustrating a children’s book, or starting a podcast. Sometimes I wish I had a boss to help me prioritize the important stuff. Unfortunately, I’m the boss and most days I don’t feel like I’m capable of managing myself.

To the outside world, people just see all the art I’m producing. They may think - wow she’s really making things happen. To me, I feel like I’m swimming in a sea of abandoned projects. When I’m 100% responsible for my success, and I’m not progressing as quickly as I want, I only have myself to blame. Years pass, and I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. While this isn’t really true, I tend to be hard on myself. In reality, we accomplish so much less in a year than we think we can. That feeling of being behind is the entrepreneur’s constant companion.

The Balance

After 7 years of working from home and running my own business, I still haven’t mastered the perfect routine. Most days, I either work too hard, or don’t work hard enough. Either I didn’t leave my desk, or I spent all day on my feet. I struggle to make time for things like learning, research, and courses. Being idle is so important for artists, and I haven’t figured out a way to fit substantial quiet time into my day. Every morning, part of me wants to wake up at the crack of dawn and get started. The other part of me doesn’t want to sacrifice sleep for my work. I read about how other artists have mastered a perfect, balanced routine, and I’m jealous - insanely jealous that I haven’t gotten there yet.

I guess balance is something all humans struggle with, no matter what they do for a living. My problem is that I have no excuses. I have the freedom to structure my day exactly how I’d like, and I still haven’t figured out what balance looks like. I’m always questioning if I could be doing things better. I’m constantly trying out new habits to maximize my day, and it’s exhausting. Just the task of seeking out balance feels unbalanced.

On the flip side, I often wake up feeling like every day is Groundhog’s Day. Like every day is the same. While I don’t have as much of a routine as I’d like, I’m not venturing out much either. My big outing is to FedEx several days a week to drop off packages. Then, I’ll treat myself to a Starbucks afterwards. I suppose variety contributes to balance as much as having a routine does. I need enough of a routine to feel rooted in my day, and enough variety to make the days feel separate and interesting. So that’s where I’m at now - trying to figure out what balance means to me.

The Art

I’ve gotten in a pretty good groove with my art. While having an art habit is something to celebrate, it has its downsides. I produce a new print every week, and I’m making things most days. However, I often feel like I’m on autopilot. I’d love to say I feel connected to every painting, but that’s just not the case. In actuality, I probably feel connected to one in every ten paintings.

As far as technique goes, my work often feels stagnant. The only thing that keeps me making things is the habit I’ve cultivated. I just sit down and show up, even when I don’t feel like it. It’s easy to work in my comfort zone and accept that good enough is good enough. Why take risks with my art, or try new things? What is my motivation to try a new medium or paint something different?

My motivation has to be growth. I will never get better if I’m not always changing. Lately, growth feels impossible. When people are buying your art regularly, you can get away with doing what works. But what’s the fun in that? For me, it’s a constant inner battle. I know I need to be pushing the boundaries more with my art, but often I default to the same old stuff. I’m constantly reminding myself to loosen up, to try new things, to stop thinking so much. Usually I disappoint myself and fall short.

I used to think art was a destination. One day, I would just arrive. I’d be good enough where every piece would be a joy and a challenge. I would exist in this glorious state of artist nirvana. Well, I’ve been steadily working at my art for 7 years now, and I can tell you no such place exists. No matter how good you get, the work doesn’t get easier. You just deal with different challenges. My challenge at this stage is to keep the work fresh, interesting, and cutting edge. In the beginning, it was all about solidifying the art habit. Now, it’s about making the art habit feel magical again and bringing back that beginner’s wonder I’ve lost along the way.

The Isolation

I’m a rare breed of introvert. I actually enjoy spending time people. They just wear me out sometimes. I like small groups and deep conversations. I hate big parties, and I realized early on that working in a big office was not for me. I’d come home every day exhausted - not from the work, but from the people dynamics. Because of that, I know I’ve chosen the career right path. I really love working from home, having only my husband and dogs as company. When I say I struggle with seclusion, it’s not that I wish more people were around. It’s that I feel alone in my journey as an artist. Even alone in being self-employed. I don’t have anyone else in my life who has chosen this lifestyle. When I talk about what I do for a living, I often get a blank look. It’s so different from what other people typically do, they don’t even know what to say. Usually, they just change the subject. It doesn’t offend me, but it would be nice to have someone to relate to. I go crazy for artist biographies and documentaries, because that’s the only way I feel connected to other artists.

As I’ve made decisions throughout my career, I often think, “I wish I could bounce this idea off another artist,” or “, I wonder if anyone else has struggled with this?” And then there are crickets. You may be thinking - you should just go and seek out other artists. Where I live, it’s not that easy. I live in a suburb an hour outside Chicago, known more for its horse stables and country clubs than its booming art community. I moved here to be close to my family, andI have no intention of leaving (as appealing as a more artistic city sounds). Most artists around here are hobbyists. I respect the hell out of hobbyists, but we have different struggles. Another option is to meet artists online, but I’ve had trouble making genuine connections via social media. The comments, likes, and followers aspect wears me out. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, social media just feels inauthentic to me. It doesn’t appeal to my “deep conversations and small groups” mentality.

So here I am knowing this seclusion is something I need to address, but I just haven’t decided what to do about it yet. Maybe I need to start an online mastermind group or something. Obviously that requires motivation, something I need to get better at too. I’m starting to realize just how many things I need to work on this year.

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So that’s it in a nutshell - the harsh reality of what I’m struggling with as an artist right now. The beauty of these struggles is that they’re always changing. As they say, this too shall pass. Most of the things on this list weren’t struggles I had 5 years ago. Even writing this article was therapeutic. I now know what I need to work on, so I can chip away at each issue day by day. One thing I don’t struggle with is persistence. If I’ve learned anything from being a full-time artist, it’s that you must be ridiculously stubborn to succeed in this industry. Needless to say, I’m not going to let these challenges get the best of me.