Can Drive Exist Without Burnout?

Lately I’ve been asking myself this question, because it’s something I’m struggling with. Every time I accomplish a big goal, it feels like there’s a trail of exhaustion left in its wake. What am I doing wrong? Am I pushing myself too hard? Often it feels like the opposite - like I’m not pushing myself hard enough.

The perfect example is my 31 Day Illustration Series I did in January. It’s one of the best things I’ve done for my career and skillset. Despite enjoying every minute of it, I was completely exhausted afterwards. If I loved this project so much, why did it burn me out? I always thought burnout came from disliking the work. Turns out, I was wrong.

So where does burnout come from then? Is it simply a package deal with getting stuff done? I knew I had to find the answer. My happiness depended on it.

Those who know me well would say I’m a pretty chill person. I’m good at scheduling downtime in my life to make space for the beast that is entrepreneurship. I say no to social stuff all the time. On the rare occasion I do go out, I’m good at not talking about work. When a big project comes around, I don’t show my stress to those around me. Because, what’s the point? Complaining takes up time I don’t have. My classic approach is to fall off the face of the earth for a few weeks and do the work. Then, I spend the following weeks trying to put myself back together in the privacy of my own home.

I’m great at physically looking balanced and chill, but below the surface, I’m paddling like a maniac. I love what I do, but lately I’ve had moments where working for a big company sounds appealing. When you start your own business, there’s something no one tells you - you never feel like the work is done. EVER. It can be paradise or a total nightmare depending on what kind of boss you are to yourself.

I have a laundry list of goals, dreams, and projects that grows by the minute. And there’s that nagging feeling I’m not getting to projects fast enough. It feels like I’m always rushing and not really getting anywhere. I’m up against a clock that doesn’t exist. I remind myself of the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.

I started to think more about rabbits, and that old Aesop Fable came to mind - the tortoise and the hare. What was that story about again? I had to google it. Here’s how it goes:

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The Hare & the Tortoise

A Hare was making fun of the Tortoise one day for being so slow.

"Do you ever get anywhere?" he asked with a mocking laugh.

"Yes," replied the Tortoise, "and I get there sooner than you think. I'll run you a race and prove it."

The Hare was much amused at the idea of running a race with the Tortoise, but for the fun of the thing he agreed. So the Fox, who had consented to act as judge, marked the distance and started the runners off.

The Hare was soon far out of sight, and to make the Tortoise feel very deeply how ridiculous it was for him to try a race with a Hare, he lay down beside the course to take a nap until the Tortoise should catch up.

The Tortoise meanwhile kept going slowly but steadily, and, after a time, passed the place where the Hare was sleeping. But the Hare slept on very peacefully; and when at last he did wake up, the Tortoise was near the goal. The Hare now ran his swiftest, but he could not overtake the Tortoise in time.

The race is not always to the swift.

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Honestly, I liked the story, but I found it underwhelming at a first glance. Yeah yeah, slowing down is great. Tell me something I don’t know. Then, I started googling it more. It turns out there’s real science that backs this fable up. That’s where things got interesting.

According to a Duke University study completed by Adrian Bejan, the J.A. Jones Professor of Mechanical Engineering at Duke University - animals who are fastest on land, water and sea actually travel the shortest distance in their lifetimes. The same applies to airplanes (and pretty much anything else that moves). The planes that fly the fastest spend the most time on the ground. Basically, it’s physics.

Those who are slow, steady, and intentional will always get further in life than those who travel in quick bursts with frequent breaks and distractions.

As I read this study, a lightbulb went off. Suddenly, I felt like my life had changed forever. I’ve been the epitome of the hare when working towards my goals. I sprint and crash, then sprint and crash. The cycle is exhausting, and now I know why. I’m working against physics. If I continue down this path, I will actually lessen what I’m able to accomplish in my lifetime.

The question is - what can I do differently to be more like a tortoise? Besides literally EVERYTHING, I started to think about certain behaviors I exhibit.

I realized I’m a bad boss to myself. I hold myself to a standard that’s not humanly possible. I need to take everything I think I can accomplish, and cut it in half. Maybe even in thirds. I need to find more joy in the process, instead of racing for the finish line every time. Also, time spent thinking about a project, is not time spent working on a project. I can spend hours obsessing and it can feel like the project took up resources, when I didn’t actually accomplish anything.

I could also do more planning. For my illustration series, I decided to do the project a few days before and that was it. Imagine how much easier it would have been if I had decided what I’d be painting beforehand? Or what if I actually looked at my calendar to see if I had time to do the series? I let my excitement get the best of me. From now on, I’m going to keep a notebook with me at all times to sketch, take notes, and plan before jumping into a new endeavor. For this blog post, I’m proud to say I wrote an outline for the first time ever prior to writing, and it make the process so much easier.

In conjunction with planning, I need to get better at prioritizing. I’m going to focus on one goal at a time, instead of working on several and always falling short. I know that by focusing on one task, the end result will be better. Also, my brain will be less exhausted from constantly shifting gears.

Lastly, I need ditch the toxic mindset that there isn’t enough time. That I’m up against an imaginary clock. That I should be further along than I am. I’m exactly where I need to be. I need to be better at celebrating wins, and taking time to rest before I get anywhere near my toxic friend burnout.

I now know for certain that drive can exist without burnout. I wouldn’t have been capable of making the changes necessary without understanding the scientific evidence behind speedy creatures. Now that I understand the physics, I’m looking forward to a much calmer future where I don’t have to work so hard for every little accomplishment.