I Recreated Two Paintings from High School. Here's What Happened.

A few weeks ago, my mom was cleaning out her basement. She found two of my acrylic paintings from high school and asked if I wanted them. Sure, I said. I barely remembered making these paintings, so it was great to see my old friends after all these years.

The two paintings were of a tent and a lighthouse:

When I was a younger artist, I used to only paint scenery, because every other subject made me uncomfortable. I would paint from photographs, in a realistic style. I wish I could find the photographs I used for these paintings, and credit the photographers, but I didn’t have any luck. A google image search yielded zero results.

In high school, the thought never even occurred to me that you could paint in any other style other than realism. Art teachers are always praising the most realistic works of art.

While I do think it’s important for young artists to paint what they see, this lack of ingenuity is a major flaw in the art education system. Why was I never introduced to different styles of painting? Why was I never encouraged to find my own style? This is the most valuable education a young artist can receive. Looking back, I suspect this flaw in the art education system is why I took a long break from art. I didn’t feel like I had anything unique to say as an artist. Sure, I could paint decently well. But so can a million other artists. In my mind, my art could have been painted by anyone who knew how to use a paintbrush.

After high school, I abandoned art until my late 20’s. In that time, I was trying to figure out “something sensible” to do with my life. When I reconnected with my art at 28, I no longer wanted to paint realistically. I just wanted to express myself in a way that made me happy. That’s when I started cultivating the style I paint with today. A style that feels like me.

When I saw these old paintings, I thought it would be a fun idea to recreate them in my current style. To contrast my past and present artist selves. So I did. Fun wasn’t how I’d describe the process. Recreating these paintings brought all kinds of insecurities to the surface.

When faced with more realistic art styles, I do feel lesser than sometimes. Is the art I’m making more juvenile than paintings that look like photographs? I suppose it doesn’t matter. Because, the thing is, I don’t enjoy painting realistically anymore. All the joy I get from art comes from putting my own unique spin on something. If I were to start painting realistically again, I’d probably quit art all together. It doesn’t make me happy.

My High School Painting

My Modern Rendition

My High School Painting

My Modern Rendition

This doesn’t change the fact that I felt icky when working on these paintings. I found myself wanting to shade areas I wouldn’t normally shade, just to make my work slightly more realistic. I felt like I had to prove something. That I had to prove how far I’d come. It really threw me. I realized just how many insecurities I still have about art. These insecurities are lurking just below the surface. Hidden behind my processes and routines. As I was working, I kept thinking, “what if my new paintings are worse than the old paintings? I should just quit art all together then.”

Then I was reminded of an article I recently wrote - Is Good Art Universal? And my answer was a hard no. While a realistic painting might be more admirable in some circles (especially amongst people who don’t know art), I like more abstract, loose styles. I want to see art through the eyes of the artist. I don’t want to see a recreation of a photograph. To me, this is boring. I was reminded that my old paintings look like anyone could have done them. My new paintings look like me, and that’s all that matters.

So I pushed through the exercise. And I’m glad I did. It felt like a major therapy session. I was forced to work through issues that I didn’t know I still had. I realized my insecurities as a younger artist still have the ability to haunt me. Discovering this was unnerving, but it also allowed me to know myself better. Getting through this exercise took bravery I didn’t know I had. I almost quit halfway through.

Despite how tough this exercise was, I would recommend it to other artists too - because of all I had to work through. I feel better because I did this. Like I know myself better. And that makes me stronger as an artist.